| 2810 2009 |
Categories: Uncategorized
I’m not good at revenge.
Every now and then, somebody does something that pisses us off. This happens to everyone, but not everyone deals with it the same way.
I, for example, will fume about it to Jenny, over some form of confectionery or cold drink. But after we have both agreed how horrid the situation is, and the confectionery/cold drink has soothed my nerves, and Jenny has expressed her sympathies, I will pretty much do absolutely nothing else. If the problem persists, I tend to wait it out. In most cases, things will sort themselves out. But in some cases, it’s just a matter of keeping my distance.
But some people aren’t so patient. Some people would like their problem to go away promptly.
Well, that takes some creativity. And unfortunately for the troublemakers of the world, I know people who have it. Let’s call them The Masters. When trouble strikes, before these quick-fixers consider fuming, they instead are struck with brilliant solutions - often reciprocative - which would effectively and speedily sort out their annoying problems in life. In fact they relish each moment of payback which they feel, in a small but permanent way, rights their world.
Master A used to hate how her roommate would ‘borrow’ her nicest clothes with such a frequency that she slowly claims them for her own. This roommate would giggle nervously when asked to return the borrowed garments, half-heartedly explaining that she’d worn them so much she’d ‘forgotten’ they weren’t hers. Over the years about half a dozen prized items were ruined (usually beyond repair) thanks to overuse, and countless more suffered what we shall term as ‘careless misplacement’. She bitterly recalls two pairs of favourite shoes this thieving roommate had ‘left behind at a friend’s house’ and were indefinitely ‘being returned SOON’ but she never saw again.
After some rough calculation, Master A estimated her involuntary loss at almost three thousand ringgit.
The day Master A moved out, her roommate returned home to find all her clothes folded up in a neat little row on the floor. Master A explained that she had gone through all her clothes to retrieve all ‘borrowed’ items. In the process, she’d also swiped a few scarves, tops and three branded jackets – as ‘payment’.
Now we're even, baby!
Now for Master B, who was living next to some truly messed up neighbours. The family next door loved mangoes, and wanted to plant a mango tree outside their house. But according to Chinese superstition, keeping a tree outside your house will invite evil spirits into your home.
To avoid this, the neighbours planted the tree outside Master B’s house instead.
So that evil spirits would, if all holds true to their beliefs, go into Master B’s house. And bug Master B’s family. Because of a tree that was planted by someone else, on their land. Oh and by the way, Master B and her family share the same exact beliefs.
When Master B asked them why they’d planted a tree outside her house, they laughed it off, saying they were just indulging their old grandmother’s gardening hobby. Noticeably, nothing else had been planted anywhere on their own property to indulge this ‘hobby’.
Once the neighbours were away visiting their hometown, Master B brought out a couple bottles of bleach and poured it on the tree’s roots, probably a few times daily. Needless to say four days later when the family returned, the tree was deader than dead.
Something like that. Except presumably also carrying a post-it note that reads 'Don't Fuck with ME'.
So harken this, mean-spirited acquaintances and annoying neighbours — don’t get too comfortable about my passive nature! For I know not one, but TWO Masters of Revenge, and am welcome to consult them for ‘inspiration’ at any time.
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